0 Comments | 3 years ago
It doesn't matter that the papers were signed and that your last name has a permanent place on the birth certificate now. There is still a large part of their past that will always be present. And that's completely healthy.
Part of adoption and accepting the whole child into your family is just that; accepting the whole child. That means accepting their past, present, and future. No matter what anger you might harbor towards the biological parent, your child will want to know that it's ok to love them, miss them and even wish that they could have their family back. So what do you do?
You never, ever, under any circumstances talk in a negative way about their bio parents! If the child is telling you how horrible they were; your job is to comfort them. Allow them to voice their opinion, however they choose to share it. This should be done in private. If the conversation is getting to the point where privacy is needed, communicate the need to move to another room, or an area away from others. Let them express their feelings in an environment where they are comfortable. It is up to you to help them appropriately handle these feelings. When at all possible, include the bio parent in some fashion. Whichever way is in the best interest of the child. Some may be in the form of joining family activities, some by honoring bio-families through photos, and you may also use phone calls, open communications and other techniques.
There are different circumstances that lead to the termination of parental rights. Issues of physical safety, poverty and emotional well being can contribute to these circumstances. Helping the child form appropriate relationships, guided by your efforts, is important. It’s also vitally important to understand that just because you are their “new” family does not mean you are their only family.